I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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