My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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