Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize