are you so shy because you have an std?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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