I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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