OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
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There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
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shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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