i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize