omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize