She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
4 words: hood of his car
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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