Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize