Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
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Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
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GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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