There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
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I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
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I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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