So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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