i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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