Quick, to the slutcave!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
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what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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