Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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