I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
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Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
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I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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