new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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