What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize