So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
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Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
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No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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