I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
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becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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