He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize