After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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