The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize