how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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