I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize