He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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