Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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