Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
All I want is dick and wine.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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