WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize