I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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