He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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