Will you blow on my dice?
I can text with my tongue
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize