There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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