If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
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Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
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I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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