i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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