Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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