I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
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I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
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I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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