Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
