I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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