Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize