Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
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Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
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His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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