Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
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Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
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When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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