she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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