Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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