dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
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he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
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spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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