I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
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I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
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Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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