puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just invented taco cereal.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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