I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
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You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
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And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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