dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
